Broken to Be Healed
Recently a dear friend of mine was updating me about a relative of hers that is in the hospital. She told me that they had lost her one night, but the hospital staff was able to bring her back. She said that in the process of saving her life, they had rebroken the bones in her chest that had begun healing so now she was in a lot of pain from that. I expressed my sympathies for her as I cringed at the thought of this dear lady’s pain. And later, as often happens, I found myself dwelling on the words she had spoken and the significance of them. (That is one of the hazards of having a writer for a friend; your words can and often do get used in one of my stories!)
What stuck with me and kept going around in my head was the fact that in order to save her, they first had to break some things; they had to hurt her worse. In order to save her life, they had to first cause her even more pain. In order for her to live again, they had to cause some brokenness. I think that part right there is what spoke so strongly to my heart. I have been running these thoughts over and over in my head for days now. Then, yesterday morning as our associate pastor was preaching, he talked about how it is when we come broken to God that He can finally use us. I knew then that God was indeed reminding me that sometimes brokenness is required before healing begins.
Sometimes God has to break us before He can bring us back to life! I know this because I have experienced it in my own life. Recently, one of my sweetest friends said some really kind words about me and said that I was an inspiration to her. Honestly, I wanted to deny that there was any truth in what she said because I know myself and I feel nothing like the person she was describing. When someone tells me that I have strong faith, I try to explain the truth to them but I’m not sure they understand. You see, I am nothing special, I promise you. I’m not some super-Christian. What I am is a woman who knows how very desperately she needs Jesus Christ in her life!
I am nothing without Him! I’m just a woman who has experienced the nightmare of living through some really hard things. I am a woman who knows what it’s like to be outside the will of God. I know what distance from Him feels like. I know what darkness and depression feel like. I know what abuse feels like. I know what it feels like to feel like you have no hope. I know brokenness; I know pain. And I know what it feels like to finally get help. I know what it feels like when healing begins. I know what it feels like to walk in the light after years of being trapped in darkness. And, my friend, when you find the Hope you have needed, you don’t ever want to let go!
So, it’s not that I am so spiritual; it is that I am so desperately in need of Jesus that I don’t EVER want to stray from His side. I need Him so desperately; I don’t ever want to imagine life without Him as my very best Friend. I’m not super-spiritual; I’m super desperate! And I can tell you exactly when that desperation began. It began the moment when the final breaking occurred. That last breaking that was painful but necessary to “bring me back to life”. Oh, beloved, the breaking can be excruciating and can take a long time to heal, but it is there in the breaking that healing actually begins. It is in the breaking that life begins, and the pain is actually the path that leads to healing.
Sometimes, my friend, God has to break us so that He can remake us. I know because I have seen it in my own life. Sometimes He has to break us free from a few things, before He can give us the life, He wants to give us. Sometimes the pain that we so desperately want to avoid is exactly what we need in order to be healed, in order to live again. I know because I have walked through that valley myself. I have carried pain so heavy that I thought I would be crushed from the weight of it. I have cried rivers of tears. I have bled profusely from the deep wounds in my heart, wounds that began in early childhood and still throb with pain this very day.
My friend, on two separate occasions, I sincerely considered ending my own life. Oh, how grateful I am that the grace of God kept me from making that horrible mistake! I stand here today by the grace and mercy of God. I’ve been abused by the ones who should have loved me. I’ve listened as they denied the pain, they caused me and tried to make me feel as if I were the guilty one. Sometimes life can nearly crush the hope right out of you, my friend. I think this is why my friend’s words have haunted me for days now. I know the crushing, breaking, pain in your chest that while excruciating, is actually the very thing that allows God to save your life, to give you the hope you need!
My screen is blurred by tears as I think about how many times, I thought I wouldn’t make it…but God. That is my absolute favorite phrase in the Bible! It is literally written on my wrist right now in the black ink from a Sharpie! I feel like that is my testimony right there in two words. But God! All these things that hurt me, all these things that broke me; they were the very things that let the light of God shine through. Satan meant it for my harm BUT GOD is using it for His glory. Beloved, He met me right there in my brokenness and that is exactly where the healing began. I am learning that broken is beautiful. I am learning that brokenness is the best place to see the beauty of God revealed.
It is in the brokenness that I see His love and grace most clearly. It is there in the brokenness that I find His strength is more than enough to carry me through (2 Cor. 12:9). So, you see, my friend, I am a woman who knows what it feels like to be broken but I am also a woman that knows what it feels like to be put back together by the Master. He allowed the brokenness in my life so that I would get to the place that I am right now, dear heart. He allowed the pain so the healing could begin. All of it has brought me to this place where I may not know much, but I know how desperately I need Him. I may not know much, but I know that I want to follow wherever He leads.
My story definitely has some ugly parts. There have been a lot of rough days, a lot of brokenness, but there have also been days of magnificent beauty. And that Beauty has been my beloved Savior. Oh, friend, if you don’t know Him, you have no idea what you are missing out on! My story is a story that most people wouldn’t want to call their own; in fact, I cringe when I look back on some of the choices I made as a result of the brokenness in my life. I do not even recognize the woman that I used to be. She was so broken. She had no voice of her own. She lived every day in fear and shame. But, oh my friend, the woman I am today is a new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17)!
The woman I am today does things that completely terrify her because she KNOWS that He will help her and strengthen her (Phil. 4:13)! The woman I am today is a fighter because He has armed me and taught me how to fight against the real enemy. The woman I am today gets knocked down, but she doesn’t stay there because He picks her up and sets her on her feet again. The woman I am today speaks truth even when people try to silence her. She can’t help it. She has to tell what He has done for her! The woman I am today is far from perfect; I fail every single day, but I am trying; I am pressing on! The woman I am today stands amazed at the goodness of the One who has saved her!
I stand amazed at what He has done and how He is taking what the enemy meant for my harm and using it for His glory. “But as for you, you meant it evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive” Genesis 50:20. The enemy may have broken me but God is healing me and He is using all that I have gone through to bring glory to His name. He is using what I have gone through to help me compassionately reach out to others going through the same pain I have endured and hopefully, encouraging them. I am nothing but with His help, I can use all this pain for His glory and for someone’s good.
And that, beloved, is the point of all of this. I share how ugly my life has been so I can show you how beautiful He is. Please don’t look at me! I am nowhere near where I want to be; I still have a long way to go! But if you can look past me and see my beautiful Savior, then all of this will have been worth it! If you can look into all these ashes and see the beauty, He is bringing out of them, then my pain will not have been in vain. If you can look past my faults and failures and focus on His perfection and the miracle He has done in my life, then I will not have failed in my attempt to share with You how wonderful He has been to me. If I can give you a little of the hope I have found, then I will have done something good!
I don’t know your story. I don’t know what pain you are struggling with right now. I don’t know what brokenness you may have faced. Maybe even right now, you are in the middle of the breaking. I don’t know, beloved, but I know Who does! He knows exactly what you are going through. You are not forgotten; He sees you! He sees you and He is there beside you waiting to bring the healing you need. I don’t know who is reading these words, but I want you to know that right now, I am stopping to pray over you, beloved. I am praying for God to reveal Himself to you in ways you’ve never seen Him before. I am praying that He holds you close and brings the healing you need.
I am praying that right now as you read these words, wherever you are, whoever you are, you will feel His presence with you, you will feel His love washing over you. I am praying that right now His love will envelope you like a warm soft blanket. And I’m believing that it will. I know He is able because He has done all of this for me at some point or another in this journey I am on with Him. I know that He can do amazing things in your life because I have seen His hand at work in my life. Beloved, He wants to do great things in your life as well. My friend, He is faithful, and He can help you. And maybe, just maybe, this brokenness is not the end but the beginning for you.
My friend, if you knew what He brought me out of and what He has done in my life, you would understand why I want so desperately to share with you the hope that I have found. My life is far from easy and there are struggles I face daily but, my friend, I do not face them alone, and you don’t have to either! May I share my hope with you? May I remind you that being broken isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a person. No, dear heart, sometimes being broken is the best thing that can happen to you. So, my beautiful friend, this breaking isn’t to hurt you. It isn’t to destroy you; it is to remake you into something more beautiful than ever before!
Father, my beloved Healer, I pray for each and every person that will read these words I have written. I pray that You will take what I have tried to say and make it what You want to say to each heart. I pray that every person reading these words will feel Your love and hear You speaking to their hearts right now. I pray that You will draw them close to Your side and comfort them as only You can. I pray for healing that only You can bring. I pray that whatever is burdening their hearts will be the very thing that reveals more of You to them. Wherever there is pain, I pray for healing. Wherever there is brokenness, I pray for mending. I pray that each person reading these words will have the courage to surrender all to You, all the pain, all the stress, all the anxiety, all the worries that burden their hearts. May they have the courage to surrender all to You so that You can bring beauty out of each and every ash in their life and in the lives of those they care about. God, I boldly pray for a miraculous work in the lives of each person that reads these words, not because of my words, which are powerless, but because You, God, are the Healer, the Almighty God, with whom all things are possible. I pray for these breakings to become breakthroughs. I pray for this pain to become praises that tell of the wonderful things You have done. Father, remind us today who You are and that nothing, absolutely nothing is too difficult for You! I ask You to do what only You can do as You work in the lives of these precious ones reading these simple words of mine. To Your name be all the glory, praise, and honor! In Jesus mighty name I pray! Amen.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the Lord.
Psalm 40:1-3
Katrina Douglas
