This morning, I reached a huge milestone when I wrote down my 20,000th gift in my gratitude journal. I was so excited, I even shared about it on my social media. It was a great moment, but my excitement took a hit shortly afterwards. I went from rejoicing to grieving in a very short period of time. The truth is that I’ve been “grieving” for some time now. However, there are times when the heart that is already hurting and grieving gets shattered in areas you didn’t know could be shattered. Just when you didn’t think your heart could be grieved any further, you find out just how wrong you were. Things that were already dark, get a lot darker.
I went from rejoicing and encouraging others to join me to swimming in tears as I struggled to fight the despair I was feeling. One of my favorite songs in the last few years is Even If by Mercy Me. One of the parts that really hit me as I listened to it early was these words. “It’s easy to sing when there’s nothing to bring you down. But what will I say when I’m held to the flame like I am right now.” This past Sunday, we studied in Acts 16 about Paul and Silas being beaten and jailed. At midnight, they started singing hymns to the Lord; in the painful darkness, they sang praises. I told the ladies that it had made me ask the question, “What do I do in my midnight hour”.
I even shared with them a quote from Charles Spurgeon that said, “Any fool can sing in the day. It’s easy to sing when we can read the notes by daylight, but the skillful singer is he who can sing when there is no ray of light to read by… Songs in the night come only from God, they are not in the power of men.” I then reminded the women in my class that we can turn our eyes upon Jesus and He will help us sing when we cannot do it on our own. I knew it was no coincidence when I reached out to a friend who hadn’t been there this Sunday and asked her to pray. She assured me she would pray and reminded me of the song Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.
I knew then I had to take my own advice, so I did what I had challenged my class to do. I started with the song the Holy Spirit had used her to remind me of and the tears flowed freely for the next hour. I listened to one song after another to remind myself of truth. I even began to write down what I knew to be true. I prayed, I cried, and yes, I even sang a few songs of praise. Unlike with Paul and Silas, it wasn’t an earthquaking experience. The circumstances breaking my heart didn’t change, but as I wrestled with the pain, I found the hem of His garment to cling to. The heartbreaking situation hasn’t changed, but I’ve found strength to keep pressing on.
I’m not going to lie to you, my friend. Midnight hours can be rough. They can be dark and painful. There’s not much to sing about in those moments. May I share a secret with you that I am learning? In that moment, it becomes a matter of the will. Midnight hours will break you unless you choose to turn your eyes to Jesus and fix your heart on Him. You have to choose to sing that song that will lift your heart above the pain, above the darkness. I’m learning that if I will but turn my heart to Him, He will help me to sing. He will provide the strength to hold on just a little bit longer. It isn’t in me. Everything in me is tired and wishes for things to change. He is my Help.
It isn’t easy to remember these truths when the darkness of midnight hits, dear heart. Yet you have to learn to speak truth to yourself or you will drown in the pit of despair. Like usual, I had a notebook nearby, so I began writing the verse He has been giving me for months down. I wrote it over and over as if it were a lifeline I was desperately trying to hold to. Over and over, I wrote the words, “His grace is sufficient” from 2 Cor. 12:9. I then began to write other things I knew to be true and if you don’t mind, I will share them with you just in case you too need the reminder.
The One who hung the sun, moon, and stars is holding me. The One who holds the universe in place can handle what is bothering me. Every problem that I face is under His feet. He’s alive. The tomb is empty… what can stop Him? Is anything too difficult for Him? (NO!) His grace is sufficient. I must keep my focus on Him. Keep my eyes on Him. And as another song played, I couldn’t help but write some of its words. “When the Reason that I’m standing, stands in front of me” (The Crabb Family)- it will all be worth it in the end. When I see His face, it will all be worth it. My hope is in Him and someday, when I stand before Him, every heartache will fade away.
I don’t know how long Paul and Silas sat in the pain and darkness before they began to sing, but I confess, it took me a little bit. Today was a bit rough. I’ve struggled with an elevation in the physical pain today, and the additional hurt to my heart nearly sank me. However, when I turned my heart to truth, began to pray, and eventually began to sing, He lifted my spirits. The pain is still there but so is He and I am learning that He is true to His word. His grace is sufficient. This means that His presence with me is enough to help me keep going. His presence with me is enough to help me trust Him and not let this heaviness burden me to the point that I cannot keep going.
My friend, I don’t know your story and I don’t know what weight you might be carrying today. I don’t know if perhaps you may be in a midnight hour of your own. What I do know is this. I have read the end of the story. My Savior wins. The enemy is already defeated. This life is temporary. This darkness will not last. It will pass. However, until it does, we have to decide what we will do in our midnight hours. May I offer a suggestion? Turn your eyes to Jesus. Look to Him for the help and strength you need. Ask Him to give you a song to sing that will lift your heart above your circumstances. He can and will, dear heart. Hold on to Him and rest assured, He is holding on to you.
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.”
- Helen Howarth Lemmel (1922)
Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2
But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God… Acts 16:25a
Katrina Douglas
10/8/24
