“I spent all of my childhood pretending I was off somewhere else… off with you on one of your adventures! My own adventure turned out to be quite different.” This is a line from one of my favorite movies, The Lord of the Rings. Frodo Baggins, a young hobbit is talking to his uncle Bilbo, and as I watched this scene recently, I couldn’t help but relate to poor Frodo. I too spent much of my childhood pretending I was off somewhere on some grand adventure. Most of the time, I wished to be anywhere but where I was when I was at home and so this line really spoke to me. It also spoke to my heart because my adventure has turned out quite different than I used to imagine that it would. My life has not gone the way I envisioned it at all when I spent all those hours daydreaming.
I dreamed a million different dreams all those days as I dreamed of a better life far away from the abuse, far away from the ugliness I lived in. Unfortunately, because I did not get the help I needed, I just left home only to walk into more and more dysfunction. No, my life did not turn out the way I imagined and all those adventures I dreamed of didn’t work out quite the way I had hoped. However, in spite of all that I have been through and in spite of the difficulties I have faced, I can now say that life has turned out to be a beautiful adventure after all. It didn’t turn out the way I planned, but I am learning that God’s plans are more beautiful than anything I could ever dream up. The adventures He writes are more amazing than any I could have ever written for myself.
Of course, I can’t blame God for the path my life has taken, because many of the difficult roads I have walked as an adult were due to the foolish choices I made from a place of brokenness. A broken child becomes a broken adult and that adult will do a lot of foolish things until they get the help they need. I’ve certainly made more than my share of foolish choices. But God… I love those words. But God led me to get the help I so desperately needed, and I have been on the path to healing for over ten years and it is becoming a beautiful journey. So yes, my dear Frodo, I understand exactly how you feel, but I am learning to trust God with my story. I am learning to step back and let Him write the story of my life. I am learning to let Him be the Leader on my adventure.
It is becoming such a beautiful journey, and I often find myself marveling at the things He is teaching me and showing me along the way. I cannot lie, there are still a lot of valleys and some rough terrain, but He is leading me, and He helps each time I stumble. And while there may still be difficult days, there are also many days that take my breath away with their magnificent beauty. It is an adventure that only God could design, and I find that I am truly grateful to be on this adventure with Him. In fact, I find that I long for Him to lead me where He wills, even if it scares me to surrender all control of my life, allowing Him to write the story the way He wants it to be written. I cannot turn back now; I must follow where He leads. I have come too far to turn back now; I must press on.
“Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day long” Psalm 25:4-5. I have seen God do some amazing things in my life and in the lives of His other children, so I know that He can do great things. I choose to trust Him to design the perfect adventure for my life and I expect that it will be just that. An adventure is not a boring trip, it is a journey filled with lots of excitement, risks, and remarkable experiences. I think that describes life perfectly. I don’t know what the future holds, but I trust the One holding it, so I find that I am looking forward to the adventure. No, my adventure hasn’t turned out like I expected, but I believe it is going to turn out better than I ever imagined.
“And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21
Katrina Douglas
